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Stuff the Jubilee

LEFT JAB by: John Bell

May 30, 2022
The fact that Queen Elizabeth has been loafing on the throne for more than 70 years is supposed to be cause for celebration, a Jubilee. The British state is spending a fortune to shore up the crumbling House of Windsor, while more and more of Elizabeth’s “subjects” suffer declining living standards and rapidly rising costs. 
Town and village councils across Britain are split over whether to chip in more local funds for a party.
In the Welsh town of Ruthin, the former mayor argues a local celebration would “pull people together”. Councillor Ethan Jones thinks differently. “People are having to make choices between heating and eating. People are out of work. Almost one in three children in Wales are living in poverty. Is it really the best use of public money?”
A group of pubs in Bristol got together and decided a party was just what was needed: they put on a 3-day Fuck the Jubilee Festival.
Polls show that the popularity of the royals is slipping fast, and bound to fall further when 96-year-old Elizabeth finally cashes in her very big stack of chips.
The rest of the royals gang have been scurrying about, at home and abroad, trying to defend the family business. Early in May, king-in-waiting-and-waiting Charles addressed the nation to commiserate with the little people about the hardships they face with declining services and soaring inflation. The effect might have been better if he hadn’t delivered it sitting on a golden throne, with a chest full of military medals he never earned.
The visit by Charles and Camilla to Canada was practically kept a state secret. Even those who watch the news were unaware until a few days before the mini-tour, and then only because our local cult of monarchists started to complain about the lack of pomp and public events. The royals were whisked in and out of several remote northern communities for photo-ops, where Charles made speeches about reconciliation with Indigenous people. Given the well documented record of his family’s racism, the phrase “talk is cheap” comes to mind. Except in this case the talk cost Canadians millions of dollars that could be better spent.
Why no publicized events in urban settings. Perhaps because they would likely be met with indifference and hostility. And the record of recent royal visits to other former colonies isn’t a happy one. When 2nd in line to the golden chair William and his wife visited Jamaica, Bahamas and Belize in March they were met everywhere by protests and anger. In Jamaica leaders demanded an apology and reparations for the slave trade that put so much wealth in the royal’s treasury.
Instead of the usual glad-handing, Jamaican PM Andrew Holness made William and Kate stand like bad school kids while he informed them they were breaking all ties with Britain: “We’re moving on.”
Even Australia is threatening to remove the Queen as head of state. The nation just elected a pro-republican PM, and anti-royals sentiment runs high.
Back in the homeland, the wobbly Windsors are loath to be seen in unscripted public events. When William showed up in Liverpool to snatch a little PR at the FA Cup finals he was driven from the field by a lusty chorus of boos.
And then there is the spectacle of Prince Andrew, whose sex scandals couldn’t quite be covered up, and who has been stripped of military trappings and public functions. He should be rotting in jail, or is that gaol.
The United Kingdom is dis-united and may disintegrate before the old girl takes her dirt nap. Scotland is well on its way to declaring independence, with Wales and even Northern Ireland in its wake. The recent election of a record number of pro-republicans could mean that even loyal little Ulster could split.
The bloody history of English rule in Ireland is never forgotten. A recent op-ed piece in the Irish Times summed up the Jubilee: “Having a monarchy next door is a little like having a neighbor who’s really into clowns and who has daubed their house with clown murals, display clown dolls in each window and has an insatiable desire to hear about and discuss clown-related news stories. More specifically, for the Irish, it’s like having a neighbor who’s really into clowns and, also, your grandfather was murdered by a clown.”
It is long past time to give these clowns the axe, figuratively if not literally. Confiscate their obscene wealth and nationalize their lands and holdings. It is time they were forced to apologize and make amends for the blood-soaked empire they headed. It looks more and more likely that the whole rotten edifice will not long outlive Betty.
We in what they call Canada should call for an end to the hollow stupidity and waste of ties to royalty. If we can’t remove her head, we can at least remove the Queen as head-of-state.
But there is one important caveat – Indigenous people have to be consulted and involved in any movement to expel the monarchy. Especially in eastern Turtle Island, treaties were negotiated directly with the Crown, predating Canada’s existence. The voices of those affected need to be heard, front and centre.
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